There are just some emotions that you cannot escape when you are a mom. For me, it was the denial of having mom guilt. Can we talk about it?
From the moment I discovered I was a mom, I no longer bought stuff for myself, hung out, heck self care was never on my my radar. I was already a home body.
I felt guilty about having to send them to daycare so that I could go to work. I felt guilty if we went somewhere and I didn’t buy them something. My mom guilt was mounting high. Until one day I realize how unreasonable I had been being myself. I immediately changed my perspective.
If you are someone that has been experiencing mom guilt for just about everything as I did, just know that children, especially at the toddler and infant stages thrive off of being loved and cared for. Feeling guilty is normal but should not consume you. The fact that certain thoughts of being a parent that wants to give your family s life that you never had, has even crossed your mind as a parent demonstrates the love you have for your child.
When you take a minute to sit back and really comprehend what you are feeling guilty about, is it because you are comparing yourself to other parents? Just know the same way you cannot compare apples to oranges is the same way you cannot compare yourself or situation to others. What makes everyone unique is you are not them and they are not you. Instead of dealing with just mom guilt, a person that starts to compare themselves to someone else will then find themselves facing discontentment. No matter what someone says or does for a person, the will likely never be satisfied.
I want to assure you that the time people spend comparing themselves to others or having mom guilt, could be the time that you give your child your undivided attention or to handle things that need to be done around the house. As long as you are meeting the necessary requirements of being a parent such as offering safety, shelter, security, and meals you are actually accomplishing a lot.
Focus on what you are able to do.
Give yourself some credit. It is not easy to care for a child let alone yourself. I have 3 daughters ages 1, 7, and 11 and most of the time I feel like I’m winging it as a mom. What helps me feel good is the bond and the relationship I have with each of them. The fact that I’m able to identify what each of their needs and wants are shows how intuitive I am with my kids. In my eyes that is one of the things that make me an awesome mom. I made a point to give myself credit on the regular. I’m not striving for perfection, I’m striving for progression. Try not too live constantly in the past of what you did before. Each day is a new day to do things differently.
Do not judge others.
If you are a parent, than you know first hand how hard that job can be. I’m sure we have all seen that parent out in public whose child just decides to have a tantrum or a meltdown in front of everyone. Think back to the time you witnessed something like that. Did you immediately start to judge the parent on how they handled that situation?
If so, let’s move beyond that. Whether we are in the public or beyond closed doors we have all had moments of feeling like we were doing something wrong based on our child’s reaction. Just know that people including yourself will handle things the best of their ability. We are human. We may not get it right 100% of the time but who are we to say that the way someone else is doing things is wrong?
The best way that I discovered how to do things is without the need to explain, let people parent the way they parent and you parent the way you parent and embrace it day by day.